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3/19/2013

How to Get Filthy Rich in 3 Days


You may have been wondering how to do it, that time you fantasized what it would be like sitting on a Dragons chair, instead of only daydreaming about it on a faded IKEA sofa. How I know that? Because I have. And you and me, we are not that different, my friend. Basically, there are three different strategies to tackle the problem of getting rich. Filthy rich. Wanna hear them?


Be a hard worker

Yes, it is possible. All you have to do is to start immediately. Don't even finish reading this piece of junk. Mind you, that we talked about how to become rich in 3 days, not 5 years. So thinking about climbing the career ladder is not an option, unless you're in the mafia.

Robbing a bank could work in that short a timeframe, so could raiding a diamond mine. But the success rate is slim to none. You can write a bestselling book. Release a sex tape on Youtube - Gangnam Style. Blackmail a politician. Sell information to intelligence.

Of course, all these things require that you actually know stuff. And who really knows anything on how to get there besides the people who are already there. Those bastards! We need something more than that!




Be an entrepreneur

Yes, if hard work is hard, being an entrepreneur is even...harder. Please write that down. That sounds like an eloquent proverb.

Anyways, there are ways to do it. Invest a little of grandma's inheritance in shares at the stock market. Become an Ebay sales phenomenon. Market the water from your rain water tank as though it was Bling H2O.

Then again, this requires that you actually know something, like the market and consumer habits, your way around a computer and the internet. But many a time, you'll also need a talent that you'll be able to sell, especially if you're in the arts business. Good for you if you already have that luxury.

But I'm asking on behalf of the rest of us, who can really afford to acquire a talent? It's 3 bloody days!? How can Cletus Spuckler become rich within 3 days?



The fallback: Be very, very lucky

Be the child of Bill Gates, spawn of the Koch media tribe or marry someone from that litter. But in that case, you'd probably already be filthy filthy rich. Bastard, you!

Win the lottery. Become a Kardashian, a Reality TV superstar. Again, you'd probably need more than 3 days to reach an audience to develop that lucrative love-hate relationship with. Who knows, you may get lucky.

Visiting a talent show without having any talent is also an option. Actually it may be our best option. But it's kind of mandatory that you're unaware that you have no talent. Mocking the system doesn't work that way, unless you're a star comedian. And that, again, would be some form of talent. So touché, my talentless friends, we're in a cul-de-sac on the road to success. Cul-de-what?





Don't fall into despair. Chances are, that if you're pursuing one of these things, one of anything, for a really long time, you'll eventually become good at it, successful even. Not in 3 days, but maybe in 3 years. Or 30. Van Gogh only sold 2 of the 2000 paintings he created during his lifetime. He made exceptional art in the belief that he was a complete failure as an artist. Now look at him. What a filthy rich corpse.