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2/17/2013

Weekend Writing Warriors: In Disguise


 

Hey Warriors, and welcome to another fun-filled Sunday with wewriwa! Soooo, what do we have here today, another scene from Anoethau! Main character Artie is the guy I have been following around during NaNoWriMo. Ever since he found a magical weapon in his vegetable patch, things haven't been going so well for him. At this point in the story, having violated his parole, he needs to keep a low profile for a little while..luckily he finds a job in a cookhouse, run by a guy named Francis...the people working there think his name is Richie..



“Richie, where did you work before Francis hired you?” Pedro asked, as they each grabbed a carrot from the large pile in front of them, “a kitchen in New York?” 
Francis stopped stirring and looked up from the pot; the both of them seemed awfully curious about the new crew member. 
Although Artie had worked at a breakfast diner in Oakley, he didn't consider himself a full-fledged cook. People at Timm's had rarely ordered anything besides the typical breakfast meals, a small number of dishes including eggs and bacon.
“A small diner in Idaho,” he replied, which, for once, wasn't a lie

“So, did you learn how to peel carrots there?” Francis asked, the irony spread thick in his voice. Artie looked down, the guy next to him was bursting with laughter. 
The carrot in his hand was peeled down to a tiny shred. 

26 comments:

  1. Oops! I guess he was more than a little stressed, trying to keep his secret. :-) At least they laughed ;-) Nice snippet, Dana :-)

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    1. I hate torturing the poor guy, but I really have no other choice! Thanks for stopping by and commenting! :)

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  2. Hope Artie's cover doesn't get blown! He's obviously a little nervous. :-) Interesting story.

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  3. I really like this! It *shows* a lot about Artie. I like him already just from this short excerpt.

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    1. Thank you Marcia, well, he is a nice guy - underneath some not so nice layers. :)

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  4. I agree, good job showing Artie's stress.A parolee with a magic weapon is a cool twist. I like it.

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    1. Thank you! Next week: more parole violations! ;D

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  5. Interesting, I feel sorry for him! Such an intriguing premise for this story...terrific snippet!

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    1. I'm flattered, so nice of you to say that, Veronica!

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  6. Hmmm, I'm curious why Francis - the guy who hired "Richie" - isn't more curious himself! Interesting.
    Poor Artie - I get the feeling he's an underdog kind of hero.:)

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  7. You do a great job building tension in what would normally be a very serene setting, Dana -- wonderful work!

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  8. I love how you show emotion here. That reveal at the very end is fabulous. :D

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  9. What an excellent way to show someone's tension. Having spent years working as a line cook, I can say you nailed the interaction. Great job!

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  10. I vote for a quick save via the carrot-peelings-make-a-lovely-garnish route.

    Nicely done, Dana!

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    1. That would be an excellent save. Thanks Kate! :)

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  11. Ooops, carrot ribbons. Great characterization here, so much subtext. I totally want to know more...

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