Welcome writers, for today is the first Sunday of Weekend Writing Warriors! Squee!! I'm so thrilled and excited to making the rounds, being a happy blog-hopping bee and all! So, for the first WeWriWa, what could be more appropriate than a story about a man who found an ancient and magical weapon in his vegetable patch? Since he's out on parole, he tries to get rid of it quickly, but of course, with magical weapons, it's not as easy as throwing away gum wrapper: this is Artie Kendrick, and the Little White Hilt, sword of myth & legends.
He felt the roughness between his fingers, cold and sharp – when the letters came alive in front of his mind’s eye; a message, reflecting from the surface of the river, a voice, murmured from the far side of the reed.
“Take....me....up...”
A cold shiver ran down his spine. What kind of trick was this?
A stir went through the river bank. Someone - or something - came tearing through the reeds.
Well, I'm hooked. Can't wait to read more.
ReplyDeleteThanks Debbie, that's nice to hear. :)
DeleteExcellent little cliffhanger! Nice imagery. And I love the premise--found in his vegetable patch! I want to find one in my vegetable patch! Then again, maybe by the time I'm done reading ANOE THOU, I might be glad I never found a sword in my garden. ;-)
ReplyDeleteGreat 8! :-)
Maybe..maybe not..I'm not tellin'!! :)
DeleteYour snippet is wonderful, as always. It's very fluid and clear, but what I really love is your premise. I couldn't stop laughing while I read it.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jess, well it is kind of strange and silly; it's not as though a backyard garden would closely resemble an excavation site, but there is a reason for the location. :)
DeleteI echo the above comments - I want to read the entire book now! - and have to add that I love the anthropomorphising of the moon. It's only one word, his instead of its, but it gives the world you're writing a subtle shape almost via the reader's subconscious. Brilliant!
ReplyDeleteWow, thank you Kizzia, to be honest, I didn't give it much thought, actually I thought this was the correct use of possessive adjectives.. see, I'm German, and in German language the article of a word always gives away the grammatical gender. "Der Mond" der = male "the". So I guess in the snippet I could have said "its" but it's more elegant to use the accurate gender. Thank you so much for pointing that out!!
DeleteHad tingles running up my spine. Great snippet.
ReplyDeleteCool, thank you so much!
DeleteLovely, vivid imagery and a great cliffhanger at the end. I also like the subtle personification of the moon in the opening sentence.
ReplyDeleteThanks Clare, that's a wonderful compliment.
DeleteI love those mini cliffhangers. Great imagery as well. I'd want to read the book.
ReplyDeleteI'm in the editing phase, I hope to finish it some time this year. Thank you!
DeleteOh, love it! Awesome descriptions and you left us wanting more!
ReplyDelete...and that is what you'll get - same time next week? :)
DeleteIntriguing snippet - I definitely want to know more now!
ReplyDeleteThank you Paula.
DeleteThis is where you want to scream, "Run!" Fun snippet, Dana. :)
ReplyDeleteYes, if this was a movie, we'd be yelling at the screen, you're right. Thank you! :)
DeleteIn his vegetable patch! Wow! :-D Just what kind of trick was it. Sounds like a great read.
ReplyDeleteShivers from this post. The unknown and what comes next? Good eight.
ReplyDeleteShivers is good! :) Thank you so much!
DeleteSounds interesting. I'll be back.
ReplyDeleteThat's wonderful! Thanks!
DeleteI love the lyrical quality of your work, Dana. You capture emotion and paint a picture with beautiful simplicity.
ReplyDeleteA bit speechless..that is such high praise, thank you, Monica!
DeleteOh boy, beware any weapon that talks to you LOL! I loved this, can't wait to read more. Terrific excerpt!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Veronica!!
DeleteOooh, love the premise. Something that's not what it seems and magic discovered in the most benign of locales.
ReplyDeleteMy only suggestion is to make this more active, for example I think you could achieve a deeper POV if you edit out phrases like "He felt" and zero in on the sensory details.
I really liked the imagery of "A a stir went through the riverbank." I could really see this in my mind and felt the need to look up and scan for danger! ;)
Hey Mama, thank you for pointing that out, I'm struggling with show don't tell more often than not, I have to admit - and you're absolutely right about the use of feel. I made a mental note for re-edit. :)
DeleteI noticed what Kizzia did but never know the word anthropomorphising which Kizzia added. I love antiques but one with special powers? Whoooo, this is going to be interesting.
ReplyDeleteThank you so so much! :)
DeleteVery suspenseful snippit. I'd definitely keep reading to find out who - or what - is by the river.
ReplyDeleteThank you, ED, I'm immensely happy to hear that!
DeleteOh this sounds wonderful, Dana! I really can't wait to see more. I love that you didn't stop with him and the blade, but continued with that creepy something in the reeds. The premise is cool :D
ReplyDeleteThanks Marcia! I'm happy you like the ending - up until five minutes before posting the snippet I wasn't completely sure where to stop..wheew :)
DeleteThat was awesome! The details, the atmosphere! Wonderful!
ReplyDeleteThanks Kate, I'm glad you like it!! :)
DeleteFascinating excerpt, and so very well written. You rocked it!
ReplyDeleteThanks Sarah!! :)
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