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5/05/2012

Six-Sentence-Sunday 5/6

Good Sunday to all of you, it's SI-SE-SU time!

Today, I 'd like to run these freshly written six sentences from my fantasy story by you - it's a WIP.

This is Chapter 14 and a test of endurance for Kaley, the certified Guardian Apprentice and her friends, passing through a region of the Veil, dark, outlandish and home to many a legend. :)

I'm especially interested in your opinions and suggestions on the last sentence.
I'm not happy with it - somehow it feels like a bulky cheeseburger with too many layers. :)



Contrary to the old tales, there was no fog anywhere in the Veil, not even a trace of misty shroud, and the trees didn't resemble any of the ones she had seen in the forests of the East.

The trees of the Veil were twisted knots of thick vines, blossoming in patches high up in the crowns.

Kaley marveled at this place with its utter tranquility, void of animal life, but rich in darkness, seeping through the fibers like layers and layers of moisture closing in and around her. Not a single bird was singing, and there was hardly any noise except the slight trickling of a wellspring, somewhere in the dark.

The plants and fibers pulsated and glowed in an indication of sap, as it was the only source of dim light in the otherwise depressing gloom.

 

After days of traveling Kaley had forgotten if it was day or night, if they were above ground or below, and as the ever-monotonous darkness outside began to get to her, she soon failed to see the difference between day and night, above and below, and the thought of continuing the journey felt the same as abandoning it; one being as black as the other.