Good Sunday, my fellow Bloggers and Bloggerines, it's another round of the Six-Sentence-Sunday!! Today I chose an extract from a short story I wrote, but never finished. *Sighs*
The protagonist is a mentally ill woman, having a conversation with her deceased husband Raymond. The story as well is called Raymond.
Can you imagine, that Grumpy Mac Smith, the lady from upstairs, she even talked to me today?
In 15 years, she never uttered a single word, not even once did a
polite little hello pass those puckered lips.
And today she finally spoke to me, in front of
the house.
"Hello, Miss, can I help you?" and she sounded so serious, I had
to restrain myself from laughing, as I saw her looking down at my socks.
In one single
day, the color had turned from eggshell to dark brown and it was such a mess, no wonder
she was concerned.
"No," I said, "but thank you, I can wash
those myself."
LOL Nice six! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Jessica, glad you liked them. :)
DeleteSo many things I want to know. Does the woman never talk period or is she just anti-social, why do the to have so much silent interaction, what happened to get the socks so dirty? (if it were my socks I know it would have something to do with the earth goblins stealing my mud boots ... again)This six was so nice I hope you finish the story someday. Sometimes taking a break from it helps, gives the story a chance to grow up and come together in your mind.
ReplyDeleteThank Jess! Anti-sozial, I guess that's what it is, yes! I imagine the grumpy old woman being someone who gets really annoyed, maybe even a little jealous of younger people living in the same apartment building. The sad thing is that only when the protagonist is in the process of visibly losing all her marbles (dementia - walking around without shoes),the woman finally overcomes her anger and takes pity on her - which the protagonists then misunderstands as concern not for her health but dirty socks.
DeleteI like your idea of earth goblins stealing the boots, that what could have easily happened in the protagonists mind. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. :)
Intriguing six, which involves getting into a very different mindset.
ReplyDeleteThank you, for letting me intrigue you :) I hope the transition wasn't too harsh though.
DeleteThis is good, Dana. I have not seen this side of your writing. Nicely done. Adding the information that she is mentally ill adds to it. It makes me wonder...and also realize that she could say anything and it doesn't have to make sense to us. But I doubt that is the case. Also, that her deceased husband's responses are unknown to the reader gives a lot of creative license to the writer. :-) Nice six!
ReplyDeleteHi my dear Teresa :) Good intuition! At this point, she's forgetful, but she's still all there - it gets worse later on (seeing hubby in furnishings). I initially planned on posting the story on the io9 writing prompt, but as I was getting towards the end, it sort of spooked me a little.
DeleteNice catch on the possible crazy / not crazy dialogue options. I thought about including hubby's responses for a moment, but since it was a monologue in itself, I didn't need them. :)
Nice six, and good setup - you should finish the story! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, I appreciate it. I'll do my best! :)
DeleteNice Six -- great characters, and great interaction! =D
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for commenting!
DeleteYes, very nice ... hope you finish it.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ann, looking forward to next Sunday!
DeleteLoved the "puckered lips". The protagonist may be mentally ill but she's kind of funny making a joke with this snooty woman who doesn't even recognize her neighbor after 15 yrs.
ReplyDeleteLoved the line about a polite smile and puckered lips! Intriguing story and I love the internal dialogue.
ReplyDeleteGrumpy Mac Smith sounds like she may be on the verge of befriending her. I'm looking forward to reading more about their relationship!
ReplyDelete