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8/23/2011

Midday and Me

Remembering certain events in my life is something that rather naturally happens to me during the warm months of summer. It may have something to do with the fact that many of the incisive things I experienced took place during summer, not necessarily the days, but long summery nights. There's just much more going on in our lives when the weather is warm and pleasant. So I thought back to something that happened about ten years ago. TEN years! Ten years is an eternity for someone who is about 20 years old. It's heartbreaking that this is even possible. Oh well.

For someone who is currently 20 it means that ten years earlier, this person actually was a child. In my thirties, ten years back means I was a grown woman as well. Or at least pretending to be one.

10 years ago I shared an apartment with 3 other girls in Munich. These were crazy and great times. We celebrated excessively, went to clubs all week until the sun came out, but still more or less managed to study at university during the day. Most of us girls didn't have steady boyfriends to slow us down, but there were always some interesting prospects and every social gathering turned into a felt once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to meet potential Mister X. Most of us were crazy obsessive when it came to boys, and even all those not-so-glorious times with all the heartache and misfortune have in retrospect become bittersweet memories of turbulence and awakening.

It's a completely different mindset when you think that your life is just starting, and inherently assuming that every experience is a positive one in disguise. There is some giant lesson about life around every corner you turn.

Now, there are still many corners, but it's not the same when you actually start calling yourself an adult. The sun is a silent reminder for me, that change is not an astronomic phenomenon, rather than I, the one it revolves around, have changed my constellation. Which, of course, means everything to me, the one little ant, waving towards the heavens. And I think it is all due to the fact, that somewhere around 30, you suddenly wake up and don't find yourself in a habitual state of waiting anymore. It's not a prequel to something bigger. Waiting stops when you suddenly realize, that your life has already begun, big things have already happened and you're in the midst of things.

It's high noon. And it supposedly is also the time when the sun's rays are most intense. I like to think that's true for life as well.



Still, there's nothing more satisfying than looking at a sunrise. It's good to know there's something ahead. Some new variances with every orbit. Undenieably, A magic dwells in each beginning.