Am I drunk yet?

It is horrbile. Drinking alcohol used to be fun when I was in my twenties. Taking careful sips of some light and fruity drinks, with a colorful palm tree figure to stir ... and then, suddenly feeling the BAM! coming on. Really, all I needed was a sniff. I didn't have to work for it at all.

Now, as I am turning into a thirty-something
being/woman/leprechaun, a new phase has begun. Let's call it the arduous phase.. Yesterday, I tried to get drunk, I gave it my all, but I didn't even feel a slight buzz coming.. there was nothing. All I felt was the desire to feel drunk. I know, I sound like a crazy person, but how should you react if the thing you are working towards doesn't happen? I paid a cab to get drunk. I travelled by train to get drunk. I spent money to get drunk.
I drank to get drunk. I deserve to feel something in return!

Is it, because I have no more brain cells to spare to keep a good buzz going? Is it, because my brain has unlearned how to create that state of tipsiness? Is it, because I am already dead and talking to you from the beyond? Is it god's punishment for not really believing in him? If so, touché! So frigging give me back my buzz and I will slaughter some goats or give you my firstborn..

Because here comes the real scandal: Although I kept drinking and didn't have my climactic buzz yesterday, I am still feeling a medium type hangover today. It's just not fair. My legs cramped all throughout the night, my head is heavy all day, my reaction time is slowed down. Now, my body finally produces all the right symptoms... FOR THE GOD DAMN AFTERMATH! This should only happen if the buzz really occurred!!! Why couldn't my metabolism come up with the suitable response last night? Was it too busy aging? Didn't it find the time in between letting things rot and turning lemons into lemonade? Outrage! Complaint! Refund!