Have you seen Mr. Darcy?
There are those kinds of men women are not interested in, there are these, that would like to have sex with them and then there are those, which women call husband or long-term boyfriend. Let's talk about the latter category.
These specimen don't have to work all that hard to get you, because they already have you. You're in a relationship with them. Fun-time is officially over. Many women can't handle the inevitable end of courtship and that's why they create a little bit of drama to imply that there can never be such a thing as routine or safety, when in fact they have already set in. But be honest, ladies. It's not that likely to pull the relationship plug once you have spent several years together, or even got married, have children. And why would you?
Yes, there is the remote possibility for a fling, some adventure with someone different, yes, it could be exciting, but it won't ever be as interesting as it was back then when we were young and inexperienced adolescents, looking for that perfect partner. These early experiences with passersby are quite the opposite of what you have in front of you right now. They were new and unknown. What you have now is something familiar. Comfort. A connection beyond the physical. An understanding without words.
It feels great to belong somewhere, but, oh no, don't be mistaken it is also quite dull! It's like parking your car in the garage. It's satisfying, but rather unexciting. Especially when you're trying to avoid the typical dramatic relationship clichés, such as: He doesn't pay any attention to me. He doesn't find me sexy anymore. He never listens to me. There are several other he doesn'ts but basically they are all the same.
He doesn't listen when I tell him to listen, because he already knows what I want to say. Many times, conversation is unnecessary. And nagging is boring. Even to my own ears.
He finds me attractive and beautiful, but not sexy, because my body is not brand-spanking new. Neither to him nor the world out there.
This is reality. Still, you might find yourself asking: Where is Mr. Darcy? You know who I mean, he is Jane Austen's most favourite man-figure in Pride and Prejudice. Is there someone like it? Why does it make us feel sad to know there isn't? Or if there is, are we able to acknowledge, that he might turn into a grump after we have gotten to know him?
As so many other stories, Pride and Prejudice is about the early beginnings of a relationship. I admit, it is one of the most romantic ones. Most love stories are about that exciting phase. It's never about that uneventful and quite a bit longer after part of happily ever after. No, it's those interesting 5 minutes when it all begins!
Let me paint an imaginary picture for you. Several years later in the story: Lizzy might find herself annoyed by Mr. Darcy's stoic nature. He never shows emotion in public! She finds herself wishing he would open up a little, and be someone she could really talk to, like that Mr. Bingley... unfortunately that one is married to Lizzy's sister Jane. Damn. She's lucky! No, because secretly, Jane is thinking the same thing about her husband. All those bad jokes. Must he always be so immature in public? Why can't he be a little more serious, like that Mr. Darcy?
Once you have established that you actually are in a relationship, excitement will stop. Don't mourn the loss. Be happy to feel secure, have a friend in him, someone who will always have your back. Don't be disappointed that he's not mysterious anymore. It's not that great when you think about it. Mysterious men are also the ones that get you into trouble. You don't know them fully, you don't have them yet. It can be thrilling. They might steal away from you in the middle of the night, taking all your belongings along with your heart.
I'd rather be annoyed about certain quirks than wonder what he really thinks. It's nerve-wracking not to know essential elements of a person. Will it last, does he like me and all that other stuff you find yourself asking in the beginning. Ugh! Appreciate feeling safe. It's the best thing there is. And another pro: with all those questions answered, all this formerly occupied brain-space is freed up, so you're finally able to do all those other things you never had the capacity for earlier on. Now go ahead and get that Nobel Prize, girls! All the best!
Pride and Prejudice on Blu-ray