Party like we used to

 

Do you remember your late teen years? I do, at least I think I remember something. Being 15, attending parties of people I hardly knew, nervously taking my first zip of some unmentionable drink, usually served in a plastic cup and handed over by a person who was much too drunk to create a sensible mix of Rum and Coke. Oooh yes, these were the times, my friends! Listening to loud and oftentimes grungy music, feeling lightheaded, throwing up in the woods and all that good stuff. In one word growing up in the 90s. The best thing about adolescence was to be full of hopes and dreams about what life would be. And anything was possible, right? Life was a mystery, out there to be discovered!

As the years roll by and my perception of the world slowly but undeniably starts to decay along with every other part of my body, I painfully realize, these times are gone. Subjectively, time goes by much quicker now and in general, my days don't feel like an adventure playground anymore.

What most people do when they realize this is to drastically change their life situation. There are these men, who suddenly decide to drive a Porsche. There are those women, who decide to travel the world. In most cases, these changes are quick fixes for something, that can't be fixed by running away to random countries or driving a fast car.

The only way to outsmart time itself is either to discover the fountain of youth or getting used to change. As flexible as the human concept is, we still have some serious problems with changes, especially the ones we see taking place during our lifetime. Everything would be much easier if we could just accept certain things as they are: changing constantly.

I will never be 15 again. But on the other hand, I won't be 30 forever! So, maybe it's like that half full cup of Rum and Coke. We will never again be as young as we are today, so technically, every day, we are much younger than the next day to come. Isn't that something?

Singles OST, The Soundtrack to my Youth

How to write on an empty wallet

I don't want to repeat myself, but I started this blog, because I write a book and I thought it would be a good idea to write about the processes and dramas a writer faces day by day.

The key to writing a bestselling novel is first of all, writing it. But how do you do that, if all you can think about is paying the bills? A sane person would go look for a secure job immediately instead of hanging on to this idea. I, on the other hand, am insane. Pleased to meet you. Like someone with tunnel vision, I do find myself holding on to this mirage, because I don't feel capable of doing anything else but this.

See, I don't have any passion to pursue a classic career to put it lightly. Economical factors never had any influence in my scholastic history. When I was younger and still had some energy within my bones, I wanted to learn something new about the world. And in the end I really think I did learn some important things at university. Not necessarily career-wise, but life-wise.

Thanks to Philosophy and Theory of Mind I learned something about (sometimes wishful) thinking. Thanks to Statistics I learned something about the exposure of facts by looking at numbers. Thanks to Law and the Department of Forensics I learned something about the morality within me. Thanks to Linguistics I learned something about thought, speech and the obstinacy of the academic system.

I don't ever regret having made my choices. But as sad as it is, to be able to choose what you want to be in life, you either have to be incredibly rich or incredibly stupid, because no one truly can afford it one way or the other. As I pointed out before, I have no assets!

Yet still, I am outraged by this. Envious and judgemental, that's what we are, ladies and gentlemen, everyone, including yours truly, the inhibited writer/lazy ass who thinks everyone but herself is looking at the wrong end of the rainbow to comprehend what life really is all about.

New Layout

I played around with the colour palette a little bit, exchanged the picture for - yes, you are not mistaken - my magic pen and here it is, the new layout for my blog. It took about 5 minutes. Since I am truly no designer nor have any idea about good design, I am sort of ambivalent about the outcome. A little help here?! If I look at it too much, I will change it again, so I better don't.