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4/14/2011

What Is It Like To Bear A Brat

The main protagonist of my novel is a woman. She is in her mid-thirties and pregnant. I am everything she is, well except for the mid-thirties part....

The similarity to my current situation is, of course, purely coincidental, because as you my know the idea for my story is much much older than the little friend in my uterus. And I have to say, this current hormonal change gives me a completely new perspective on so many things, maybe it will even lead to some sort of benefit and respectively interesting insight to help paint the main character in realistic colors.

I admit, in real life I do not gravitate towards children. I like them, they make me smile, but other than that I don't feel very motherly in general. I don't feel the urge to cuddle, I don't want to wipe their nose. I think the motherly gene will kick in at some point however.

When I mentioned this to a friend, she was surprised and wanted to know why I even intend to have a child, when I am obviously not that infatuated with them now. I tried to explain to her, that for me, the drive to have children doesn't necessarily coincide with a fondness of them. At least not yet. It's a biological motivation, not a preference. There is a obligatory component to procreation. That may sound like something, people rather don't want to think about, but I'd feel like a hypocrite not to. The biological drive makes me feel like I want to have children even though I have absolutely no idea what it will be like. I think it is fascinating, that I am able to consciously reflect about that little fact and still, it doesn't change the outcome, meaning me, wanting it.

I want to know what it feels like to be a bat. I can't. I want to know what it feels like to bear a brat. All right then! There's no committee except for other parents of course, to decide that there could be such thing as a right and a wrong motivational choice for having children.

And oftentimes, some people are really quick to judge other parents. They feel like Confucius. Enlightened, because finally their persona is now taken out of the spotlight to spread their wisdom from the back seat. It doesn't make any sense. The fact that the focus is now on someone else instead of themselves seems to be extremely liberating in this regard.

But, no hard feelings, I cannot rule out the possibility to become exactly like that, which of course means, that I will have to relentlessly judge everyone else who is not like that. Ha, that would be some kind of fun for a moment, to become one of those people, wouldn't it?
For me, at least! Dingbats, what it would be like...

On that note: Qualia; Thomas Nagel, What is it like to be a bat