Hello and huzzah to another fun-filled Weekend Writing Warrior extravaganza! I'm jumping ahead in my story. Artie has crossed an ocean and finds himself in a place called Southampton, Hampshire...
Artie slid his arms through the leather straps and dropped the backpack on the stair in front of the fountain. The street café across the town square was jam-packed with sun worshippers and children, spooning ice cream from bowls with the most luscious formations. He closed his eyes to the noise, the clinking of glasses and the sound of their banter.
As he re-opened them, an elderly woman with black sun glasses and a heavy fur coat made her way towards the fountain. A brawny dog padded besides her on a leash. She dragged herself up the steps towards the brim, and for a brief moment, Artie noticed the dog frowning at him in passing.
The woman groaned with exertion as she lifted the dog up on the edge of the fountain. Once he was at the top, he craned his white neck towards the surface and began drinking the water.
Nice visuals here. The old lady must be sweltering in her fur coat. ��
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this a lot.
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Yeah, I love the description, plenty of good sensory details of all kinds. Makes me feel like I'm there! Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI pictured this scene from the start and went back to read your last post. It made me wonder how Artie is coping with all his new surroundings. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteI love the details, terrific scene setting!
ReplyDeleteExcellent job of painting the scene! :-) I love that the dog frowned at Artie! I can picture it--the elderly, eccentric lady with the yappy, little dog. :-)
ReplyDeleteLovely word painting.
ReplyDeleteWow, you really created a world in that first part--love the dog frowning...cool picture!
ReplyDeleteI can picture it all in my mind! Great, descriptive excerpt. Especially enjoyed the old woman and her dog. Was it a Lab? :-)
ReplyDeleteExcellent imagery!
ReplyDeleteI really feel like I'm there with him - terrific description! Excellent excerpt and I want to read more...
ReplyDeleteWow, this really reads like you know the characters and the place so well. I love how you pull me right in beside him.
ReplyDeleteI kind of tripped a bit at "He closed his *eyes* to the *noise*" - I know what you mean, it just didn't seem as smooth as the rest.
I especially like the dog's frown. It made me pause and think "do dogs frown??" but I think I've seen just that kind of look on dogs' faces. Bravo for the great visual and emotional effect from that!
Excellent scene setting, especially the old woman in a fur coat on a sunny day. I'm totally in this scene and can't wait to see what happens next...
ReplyDeleteI've always enjoyed the snippets you post, but I gotta say, I think this story does the best job of showcasing your talent. It's very fluid and engaging. You're doing a great job!
ReplyDeleteLovely writing. The details are fantastic. It's interesting that tiny little old ladies sometimes have the biggest dogs. And I love that she's having him drink out of the fountain.
ReplyDeleteGreat job setting the scene - I could see it very clearly in my mind.
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