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Hello and welcome to this week's Six Sunday early bird special. I say early because it's still Saturday and special, because I snuck in seven sentences. And bird because, well, I like birds. Anyhoo, you'll get to read yet another excerpt from The Days Adrift, Part 6. It's getting quite desperate out there on that little boat. Catch up with what happened ->earlier.
Have fun, enjoy and feel free to comment; I appreciate each and every comment, suggestion and friendly little nod! Join in the fun and check out the talented Sixers here. Let's share the love!
3.
Seven days and nights of endless water. The sea rushes, occasionally it brawls and at night it laments.
Or is it me, lamenting?
The constant noise claims all my thoughts and turns them
into only one.
I can't take this any longer.
I lean out, way above the railing, and there is nothing out there, nothing, except a shadowy contour, reverberating from the water surface.
It slowly heads towards me...
We nearly touch when I feel two strong hands clasping my shoulders, yanking me back into the boat.
This is good. So smooth. I was sucked right into the mood--then the last sentence! Excellent, Dana! It is getting desperate out there. A little crazy, I think. :-)
ReplyDeleteYou've done an excellent job with this snippet, I think it might be your best yet. You got me right into her head so that I felt her desperation and isolation. Awesome job!
ReplyDeleteGod, this is tense stuff. Love the description of the sea here and that sense of hopelessness that surrounds her. One small thing - maybe make "endless waters" singular. I think "endless water" sounds more epic and all-encompassing.
ReplyDeleteThat's terrific stuff! Funny, I was just writing a scene very much like this a few weeks ago. You capture the dreamy unreality and yet intense danger of the situation beautifully! Great Six!
ReplyDeleteI'm in awe again of you, Dana. You bring out the characters psychology so well in just six sentences; it's a talent beyond measure that you have. The foreboding in your words and the way she almost loses herself to the water ... it's awesome.
ReplyDeleteDana, had computer issues last week so I'm late! Just call me the White Rabbit. Anyway, I loved the "poetry" of this snippet. This line:
ReplyDeleteThe sea rushes, occasionally it brawls and at night it laments.
This particularly speaks to me and then the surprise at the end. Lovely stuff!
I love the rhythm of this; your words echo the boat and sea. Wonderful writing.
ReplyDelete