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Hey y'all it's Sunday, and that means time to share another excerpt from The Days Adrift. -->This is what happened last time. Three girls, still out at sea, on the run from the turmoil of war and the crime they committed..and it's getting quite dark. Feel free to comment, criticize, like, not like, whatever you want! By the way, I need your help with a little apostrophe crisis. Her name is Tams. Is it Tams' face, Tams's face or Tams face - or should I just rename her? Not stupid, just German and easily confused! :)
Before you go, don't forget to take a look at the talented Sunday crowd right -->here.
As the season changes from spring to early summer, the sun breaks through skin like a thin coat of ice. There is hardly any shade on deck, and with each passing day, Tams' tattered face reminds me more of a giant cracked egg.
I can't even look at her without feeling uncomfortable.
Brita doesn't talk to me anymore. Delicate little Brita, furiously cowering in the corner, like a glaring red lobster.
I should throw her overboard, or better yet, dump her in a pot of boiling hot water...
Oh wow, love the "red lobster" reference... followed by wanting to dump her in a pot of boiling water. :-) Things are getting bad on that boat. Doesn't help that they are fleeing--adding desperation to their situation.
ReplyDeleteGood six! :-)
Your question about possessive "Tams"? I am in no way, an expert. Maybe someone will come along who is. From what I just read, Strunk and White in "Elements of Style", insist on adding the apostrophe and the additional s. Tams's. Other forums quoted the AP style guide, and it goes with Tams'. Another forum went on to explain that there is a difference in how first names and last names are handled. They agreed on the apostrophe and the extra s. AP is trending. Strunk and White is a classic. This is a debated topic, Dana. I am adding a link that you can paste into your browser and read up on it. I'm not sure there is a right or wrong. Maybe, if someone has a Chicago Manual of Style--or subscribes to the online one, they can give you their take. I suspect that would be the definitive answer.
A good starting place. :-)
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/possessives.htm
Oh wow, I had no idea, that this was a topic of such intense discussion. I googled the link..this is very complex, the possessive forms. It seems to depend on what is highlighted as well in some cases... "April Fool's Day"..
DeleteI guess, I'd be leaning towards "Tams's" - at least according to this, it wouldn't be completely horrible and wrong.
"Lewis and Clark's expectations were the same."
"Lewis's and Clark's expectations were different."
A real eye opener, thank you Reesie, I'll bookmark that page!
Glad you enjoyed my snipped, I'm having so much fun coming up with mean things, putting the tips of my fingers together, thinking eeeeeexcellent. ;)
Thank you for always helping me out and I'll see you in a minute!
Ok, second question; when you say it out loud, would you pronouce " Tams's " different than " Tams' ", with a longer ssssss-sound maybe?
DeleteI would (mentally) say "Tams's" as Tamses if I were reading it, and "Tams'" as just a longer -s sound.
DeletePunctuation and grammer is not one of my strong suits, but I'm inclined to agree with Teresa. As for the pronunciation, and I could be wrong, I would pronounce it with a very slight pause between the double s. I hope that makes sense.
ReplyDeleteI really like your six. I have a friend kind of like Brita, I love her dearly, but more often than not, she manages to push my frustration buttons.
Hi Jess, I knew a "Brita" once, it must have been in elementary school. It took me a while to understand her "inner workings", sort of high-maintenance and aggressive, yet super sensitive. I thought she was fascinating - from a safe distance. :)
DeleteLove the "giant cracked egg" and the lobster analogy. Very well done! I'm in favor of Tams' just because Tams's would make me stop and think, so pulling me out of the story. I'd be reading along and then trying to imagine how it's pronounced and then boom, where were we? Just my two cents.
ReplyDeleteHi Kate, yes, that's a good point - these things can be distracting. I'd rather be "wrong" than prove a point in punctuation. Since this is a question of debate anyways... well, what's one 's? :)
DeleteThis is dark. I like just an apostrophe after the first s, delete second s. Tams' face. It's less distracting. Is the name Tams important to your story? Does it mean something special pertaining to the character? If not, you could change her name.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Carrie, I'll go with the s-less version, it does look less unwieldy. Regarding the name change: I thought about it, but I could never change the name. It fits her perfectly. I think I'd rather have the editor laugh at me and slap his thighs than avoid the problem - still, and that's a worst case scenario. :)
DeleteRe: the possesive apostrophe--either is basically correct. I say use what feels right to you and then let an editor worry about it later.
ReplyDeleteThis six is some amazing prose. My only suggestion is with the first sentence: "As the season changes from spring to early summer, the sun starts to break through skin like a thin coat of ice." I would go for more immediacy and word it this way: "As the season changes from spring to early summer, the sun breaks through skin like a thin coat of ice."
It's terrific as is, but "starts" is one of those filler words that can slow down the pacing.
Ah, such good advice! I was mulling over the word "start" the whole time, thinking of different ways to phrase this, and I never noticed that it actually was the source of my problem. Thank you. :)
DeleteA very interesting six, and a ton of really great comments - I don't have anything to add except: Thanks for sharing this. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Jenna, I'm glad you liked it - and I do appreciate every kind of response. Even a simple "I like" or "I hate" can be informative. :)
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