First Page Review: Spellbloom

Hey everyone, and hello to first page review! Always exciting to get a little bit of feedback on the first few words of a story. This is taken from the first story I ever thought out and wrote down, titled Spellbloom, a contemporary fantasy tale. It is the one story closest to my heart, but it is yet to be finished on paper. I'm so hestitant when it comes to writing this story. In the hopes of getting more experienced at storytelling, I never want to touch it to not spoil it with mediocre writing, if that makes any sense. :) I started writing it two years ago, and I'm not even halfway finished, but I edited bits and pieces of it. The picture you see is a home-brewed graphic experiment that may or may not be the real cover for the book one day. 

Looking forward to reading your comments and suggestions and I can't wait to visit your blogs and to read your stories. :)

1.

Pador stared at the portrait in silence. The face in the picture frame stared back at him. He knew that the years had given him a few hard lines around the mouth, and the painter hadn’t wasted any time sugar-coating the truth.

The people of Indova called Pador rigorous, a man purported to rule with a strict vision of things that needed to be done. He had never seen himself that way. The things to be done most rarely are what everyone agrees with, his father used to say. Unlike Pador, he had been the leader of a family of 4, not millions. Pador sighed.

At least in the picture he looked the part of the leader, Pador thought, carrying the bearings of Indova on his chest, the blue cloak hovering over the black cliffs of the Seam, the traditional symbol for the first Mage Rebellion nearly 300 years ago. His ancestors had fought in that battle, and many of them had lost their lives.

He had always worn his blue cloak with pride, ever since the day he got elected. He had made a name for himself in the Academy, and he was a reasonable choice for the Council. The fact that he didn't want the job was of little importance and just went to show how the laws of Indova bestowed all power upon the election committee. The committee had seen aptitude and farsightedness in equal measure in him, and none of the other candidates. Sometimes Pador still thought they'd made a terrible mistake choosing him, but his advisor had told him that his doubts proved him to be the right choice all the more. 

Pador knew his duties, and well enough to realize that anyone would have a hard time ruling a country, at least if he tried to do it well. Sometimes however he caught himself thinking that there might be someone out there who would enjoy it more than he did. He sighed again, a heavy and deep sigh – resonating back at him from the walls of the hallway. He turned around to go back to his office. He longed for this day to be over, but it wasn’t even close to noon. He had several ministers to meet still, representatives to greet with a smile on his face and their pleas to suffer through. He would be able to visit Janey thereafter – if it wasn’t too late in the day. He had been looking forward to seeing her all week, yet he hated visitation days because they would only sound in another 6 long days of waiting. He missed the times when he saw her each day, the times when they were freshmen in the Academy and their assignments would bring them to different places all across Fallwyne. He was a better man with her by his side, always, and a happier one, but unfortunately, there were other things to consider, more important things such as her health. Janey was his wife and he loved her dearly, but he couldn’t risk exposing herself to him more than once a week. He was poison to her, and she needed all the time she could get to recover from his visits. It was the only way they could be together at all.

Pador opened the large wooden door to his office and saw Aeron sitting in one of the high visitor’s chairs. He got up to greet him as he saw him enter, “Ah, there you are”. His black cloak swirled as he rose. Pador always thought that there was no one who wore the Guardian’s cloak as well as Aeron, although there certainly were Guardians who took their responsibilities more seriously than he did. They had been friends for over a decade, and now wasn’t the time to question his work ethic. 
“Do you have a minute or two?” Pador knew, that, with Aeron, it would never only take a minute or two, but he nodded.   
“What’s going on?” he closed the door behind him. Aeron sat down again, this time on the corner of Pador’s large writing desk, in between red document folders and a pile of mail.

“Wintershedge has sent word of their arrival.”

“And?”

Apparently the girl has already fallen ill with the bloom.”

“What!? Oh no!” Pador was dismayed at these news. He started pacing up and down the room.

“How bad is it?”

Aeron hesitated. “She’s…functional, but very weak. The journey was exhausting for her.”

“Is she bedridden?”

“Unfortunately yes.”

“Good gods.. how did this happen so quickly?”

Pador massaged the few stubbles on his chin. “That’s bad…  I shouldn’t have sent them away together..”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself, we don’t know the details. There is still a possibility that she’s just sick with some other illness.

“Please,” Pador said, “you know as well as I that there is no one better suited to judge the onsets of second bloom than their people.”

Aeron didn’t respond. 
“We should offer to help them, bring them back to the city after…. they are done..” He sat down. The regent's chair was heavy and cumbersome.
"I had no right..."
He felt Aeron’s hand on his shoulder moments later.

“You did it for Janey.”

Six Sentence Sunday: Farewell

What a bittersweet Sunday this is, the departure from our beloved Six Sentence Sunday. It has been a heck of a ride. A big thank you to the organizers and all the hard work and effort they put in to make SSS a unique opportunity for writers and fans of writing, as well as a wonderful Sunday tradition. For this special occasion I'll share the very same excerpt, the first excerpt I ever posted for Six Sentence Sunday, including six sentences from Spellbloom, the epic fantasy adventure, and my first unfinished novel ever. Yay! ;) Have a great Sunday!

 

She came to realize that Nian and his friends truly were the voiceless of this world, dispossessed and completely stripped of their rights as human beings. As she thought about the inequity of the very system she was about to become a part of, her strides turned into furious stomps.
They reached the grove at noon and found a shady site amidst the trees where Kaley leaned against a mighty stem. Her feet were sore from walking, and she felt the bark clinging to her from behind, providing some much needed relief to her back. 

Nian sat down across from her, huddling up against a bulky stub of a tree. He didn't look tired, just hungry, and once again Kaley marvelled at his resilience against physical strain. 

I'm not very good at drawing, but that never stopped me from sketching all the major waypoints. This is where Kaley and Nian will be going next. 

The Next Best Thing Blog Challenge

Thank you Karen de Lange for tagging me for this fun challenge. Fellow blog travelers take a look at Karen's blog and let yourself be immersed in her world!  
Boy, I admit, this challenge took much longer than I anticipated, especially the one-sentence synopsis. I wrote it, rewrote it, changed it back.. I panted like a mad person. Still not happy with it, especially after reading other brilliant synopses, such as Mel's. Anyways, I decided to calm myself down with a sandwich. Still waiting for the muse to hit me. This challenge has been a blast, nevertheless! :)

 

1. What is the title of your book/WIP?
The working title of my WIP is Spellbloom, but I'm unsure as though to use it as the title to the whole series/book cycle.

2. Where did the idea for the book come from?
After years of serious fandom for the fantasy genre and writing bits and pieces of fantasy shorts, even longer shorts, and short long stories, one day last summer, as I was sitting on my balcony, drinking a cup of coffee with two sugar cubes: boom. Out of nowhere, there it was. I do remember minutes earlier, thinking about my dislike for Hogwarts (seriously) as the epitome for elitist principles of magic in contemporary fantasy; it may have led up to it. Then there was some sort of mental ignition.

3. What genre would your book fall under?
Contemporary fantasy.

4. How long did it take you to write it?
So far, a year, but I haven't finished yet. The storyline is lined up and ready in my head, it pretty much was from the beginning. I'm still thinking, systemic thoughts, how to make the "magic" part as logical and comprehensive as humanly possible, as for how the system works and what costs there are. And there will be costs in using magic.

5. What other books in your genre would you compare it to?
Definitely Lois McMaster Bujold's Beguilement, in the sense that there is a romantic story underneath a fantasy epos. What I especially like about Lois' fantasy books is that the use of magic is never a gimmicky placeholder for a lack of explanation... unlike "Hi, my name is Nicolas Cage, and as of now and for no good reason, you will be my wizard's apprentice. Here, let me distract you with this flaming fireball, tards!" 

6. What is the plot synopsis in one sentence?
In a world where magic is dangerous and needs to be tightly controlled, Guardian-trainee Kaley and Mage Nian are sent on a secretive, high-priority mission across the country by order of the Regent himself - unaware that the obstacles they will face, and the reason for the quest itself is more entwined with their own lives than they suspected.

7. What actors would you choose for your characters to play in a movie rendition?
My favorite question!

The fantastic Tom Hughes as Nian Thalur. I only saw him once in this movie called Cemetery Junction, but I was immediately smitten. He brings the right amount of rebel-emo-aggressiveness to personify a Destruction Mage.

Ellen Page epitomizes Kaley Evans, Nian's new Guardian. She is the voice of reason, smart, and a natural leader-figure. Maybe we'll have to cut her hair a little plus lighten it a nuance or two for this role.

Stanley Tucci - boy was he scary in The Lovely Bones, but I need exactly his kind of ambiguity and versatility for my character Aeron, Nian's former Guardian. He left his protégée for personal reasons.

Laura Linney or Mrs. John Adams as I like to call her is Morgen, a well-trained Guardian from the Academy, who can teach Kaley a lesson or two in leadership. They meet on the journey.

Eric Bana. I assured my husband that he doesn't need to worry, I won't run away with Eric in case I meet him during the movie production - but dear God I hope he never asks me to.
I thought he was fantastic in Munich - which is one of my favorite cities as well as one of Señor Spielbergo's top if not-so-famous movies. In my story Bana stars as Pador, the King Regent of Indova.

His name is Storm. He once was a powerful Mage. Now, he lives in a care home for elderly Mages outside the City. He suffers from dementia, but at times he still has good insight - and is quite the character. Since Storm has wild hair, Gene Hackman will need grey extensions for that role. I hope he's OK with it.



8. Is your book published or represented?
No and no.

9. Which authors inspired you to write this book?
Weeeeeell.... in short: everyone who ever made me feel welcome in his or her fantastic storyworld, across all genres and media. I never expected storydriven RPGs to have such a massive influence on me but they did, although books, movies and television do have the more prominent impact. There are of course some authors who left a more distinct imprint than others. I am referring to Philip Pullman, Neil Gaiman, Ursula K. Le Guin, Lois McMaster Bujold, Michael Ende, Piers Anthony, Frank Herbert, George R. R. Martin, Philip José Farmer and Douglas Adams.

 

10. Tell us anything that might pique our interest in your book.
I can't believe I'd use this as a selling point, but it is not a medieval setting. I repeat - is not. No one will die of rotten teeth in their mid 30s. And while I do understand the fuzzy Tolkienien feeling we all get when we see swords and messenger birds and horse-travelling, I didn't want any of that in my story. There will be other problems and restrictions my characters face, I think, more interesting ones. The limitations in my world don't have anything to do with the setting, but everything with the plot.

~Thank you for reading, and consider yourself tagged!~