Hey everyone, and hello to first page review! Always exciting to get a little bit of feedback on the first few words of a story. This is taken from the first story I ever thought out and wrote down, titled Spellbloom, a contemporary fantasy tale. It is the one story closest to my heart, but it is yet to be finished on paper. I'm so hestitant when it comes to writing this story. In the hopes of getting more experienced at storytelling, I never want to touch it to not spoil it with mediocre writing, if that makes any sense. :) I started writing it two years ago, and I'm not even halfway finished, but I edited bits and pieces of it. The picture you see is a home-brewed graphic experiment that may or may not be the real cover for the book one day.
Looking forward to reading your comments and suggestions and I can't wait to visit your blogs and to read your stories. :)
1.
Pador
stared at the portrait in silence. The face in the picture frame stared back at him. He knew that the years had given him a few hard
lines around the mouth, and the painter hadn’t wasted any time
sugar-coating the truth.
The people of Indova called Pador rigorous, a man purported to rule with a strict
vision of things that needed to be done. He had never seen himself that
way. The things to be done most rarely are what everyone agrees with, his
father used to say. Unlike Pador, he had been the leader of a family of 4, not millions. Pador sighed.
At least in the picture he looked the
part of the leader, Pador thought, carrying the bearings of Indova on his chest, the blue cloak
hovering over the black cliffs of the Seam, the traditional symbol for the first Mage
Rebellion nearly 300 years ago. His ancestors had fought in that battle, and many
of them had lost their lives.
He had
always worn his blue cloak with pride, ever since the day he got elected. He had
made a name for himself in the Academy, and he was a reasonable choice for the
Council. The fact that he didn't want the job was of little importance and just went to show how the laws of Indova bestowed all power upon the election committee. The committee had seen aptitude and farsightedness in equal measure in him, and none of the other candidates. Sometimes Pador still thought they'd made a terrible mistake choosing him,
but his advisor had told him that his doubts proved him to be the right choice all the
more.
Pador knew
his duties, and well enough to realize that anyone would have a hard time ruling a
country, at least if he tried to do it well. Sometimes however
he caught himself thinking that there might be someone out there who would enjoy it more than he did. He sighed
again, a heavy and deep sigh – resonating back at him from the walls
of the hallway. He turned around to go back to his office. He longed for this
day to be over, but it wasn’t even close to noon. He had several
ministers to meet still, representatives to greet with a smile on his face and their pleas
to suffer through. He would be able to visit Janey thereafter – if
it wasn’t too late in the day. He had been looking forward to seeing her all week, yet he hated visitation days because they would only sound in another 6 long days
of waiting. He missed the times when he saw her each day, the times when they were
freshmen in the Academy and their assignments would bring them to different
places all across Fallwyne. He was a better man with her by his side, always,
and a happier one, but unfortunately, there were other things to consider, more
important things such as her health. Janey was his wife and he loved her
dearly, but he couldn’t risk exposing herself to him more than once a week. He
was poison to her, and she needed all the time she could get to recover from his visits. It
was the only way they could be together at all.
Pador
opened the large wooden door to his office and saw Aeron sitting in one of the
high visitor’s chairs. He got up to greet him as he saw him enter, “Ah, there you are”. His
black cloak swirled as he rose. Pador always thought that there was no one who wore
the Guardian’s cloak as well as Aeron, although there certainly were Guardians
who took their responsibilities more seriously than he did. They had been friends for
over a decade, and now wasn’t the time to question his work ethic.
“Do you
have a minute or two?” Pador knew, that, with Aeron, it would never only take a
minute or two, but he nodded.
“What’s
going on?” he closed the door behind him. Aeron sat down again, this time on the corner of Pador’s large writing
desk, in between red document folders and a pile of mail.
“Wintershedge
has sent word of their arrival.”
“And?”
Apparently
the girl has already fallen ill with the bloom.”
“What!? Oh
no!” Pador was dismayed at these news. He started pacing up and down the
room.
“How bad is
it?”
Aeron
hesitated. “She’s…functional, but very weak. The journey was exhausting for
her.”
“Is she
bedridden?”
“Unfortunately
yes.”
“Good
gods.. how did this happen so quickly?”
Pador
massaged the few stubbles on his chin. “That’s bad… I shouldn’t have sent them away together..”
“Don’t be
too hard on yourself, we don’t know the details. There is still a possibility
that she’s just sick with some other illness.
“Please,”
Pador said, “you know as well as I that there is no one better suited to judge
the onsets of second bloom than their people.”
Aeron
didn’t respond.
“We should offer to help them, bring them back to the city
after…. they are done..” He sat down. The regent's chair was heavy and cumbersome.
"I had no right..."
He felt Aeron’s hand on his
shoulder moments later.
“You did it
for Janey.”
