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Hi there, Sunday Sixers, it's good to see you again! After a week of letting my arms and legs dangle from a beach chair, my think strike is officially over! This week I'm back to share another episode of my YA story The Days Adrift. This is part 7, and, as always, your writerly input is very welcome and highly appreciated. :)
Last time, overwhelmed by desperation and fear, the protagonist almost lost herself to the water. But someone pulled her back into the boat...
"Are you crazy?!" Brita yells right through the haze of my betrayal.
She pushes me back and slaps me in the face,
again and again, a little harder each time.
I want to tell her to stop it, reassure her that I am back now,
but weary as I am, my mouth won't open to say the words.
"We don't do that, you hear me?" she sounds like a frail little girl, lecturing another not to swim out too far.
She's afraid.
Her hand clings to my wrist like a limpet;
she's afraid for my life.
Wow, you did an excellent job showing Brita's rage and fear. You did an equally good job with the narrator's realization. You have ever right to be very proud of this snippet.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jess!! :)
DeleteAwww, would love to read more!
ReplyDeleteThank you Tory, I'll share more of this next Sunday, promised. :)
DeleteThere's a lot of emotion packed in your six. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThank you Sandra, that's a wonderful compliment.
DeleteVery powerful and emotive, Dana. I'm right there with every slap!
ReplyDeleteYes, that's great..ouch! :)
DeleteYou bring your characters to life so brilliantly. I can't wait to read more.
ReplyDeleteHi Karen, hearing that puts a big smile on my face. Animated characters, that's what I always wanted to create. I thought it would take me at least 10 to 50 years..rough estimate... happy! :)
DeleteYep (echo from above) powerful, emotions conveyed so well. ! Glad you're back from the think strike :-) Me too. Wonderful six, dearie! :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Reesie, aah I had such a good time not-thinking! I got this nice tan reading on my balcony. A little reminder, now that it's back to the salt mines ;) I see you had some fun too, that's wonderful! :)
DeleteIt's not the MC's life she's afraid for, it's her own, and her sanity. Love how you've made that connection without making it an obvious one.
ReplyDeleteThanks Monica, I'm impressed, and I'll applaud you for your Sherlock nose immediately. :) MC and Brita have a difficult relationship. It's Brita's doing that they are out there lost, the MC got dragged into this mess, but she is the only one with the navigational expertise to safe them...
DeleteMonica is on the right track. She's afraid for their sanity for sure. If one loses it, the others are probably not far behind. Beautiful Six as always Dana!
ReplyDeleteYay Mel! That you got that from this snippet truly amazes me, my WOCD friend! :)
DeleteI think have to focus a bit more on Tams the next time, she is the crazy-resilient stoic type... but I don't know.. I'm sort of drawn to "crazy", which probably means that I am ..
NOT AT ALL CRAZY MYSELF. Sssh, voices. ;) Anyways, thank you for coming by, it's always good to see you and read your thoughts. :)
Powerful emotion...beautiful writing!
ReplyDeleteThank you Sylver! Such a cool name! :)
DeleteThis is an incredibly emotional, powerful six. (Okay, I typed that then scrolled up and saw the same thing from the last comment. I did not copy it, LOL.)
ReplyDeleteHi Sarah, thank you for the compliment. I never tire of hearing it! ;)
DeleteI guess we shouldn't worry about it, but I feel the same way, about me being too repetitive when it comes to responding to comments..aaah there it is again. Thank you! :)