Keeping Up with the Kardashians reviewed: Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy

I'm truly happy to have access to pay TV, and some of the American based cable network. I feel like it helps me keep in (cultural) touch with my peeps across the great pond. The Sky package includes great things, such as Cinema in addition to documentary channels, which I love. I feel like a kid in the candy store being able to watch Game of Thrones Season 3 the same time it's on HBO, and Sky Atlantic was one of the best things that ever happened - eeeever!

Not to speak of NatGeo, and TNT and, ooh, I could rave about this all day long. What a sensible mix of infotainment or edutainment, or whatever flattering label they thought of to market themselves..

As of April 30 this year, the infamous entertainment network E! has joined the game.
Yay ... right?!! I quickly discovered that having access to E! is like having a batch of heroin lying around the coffee table. I hate myself a little bit, for being powerless to resist getting sucked into their vortex of fashion ins and outs, gossip and Kardashianisms.

Correction: E! is like being hit with a tranquilizer gun AND a highly addictive substance at the same time. OK. Time to speak of the Kardashians, and what a wonderful family they are...

Keeping up with the Kardashians sets a perfect example for the newly rich, the self-proclaimed elite of society, and why we should all hate them. Before E!, I have only known of this family from tabloids, and I was unaware why Kim Kardashian had become a sudden style icon and "it" personality, even here in our parts. Now I know. Now, since I have been to their houses, their bedrooms, their cars and their bathrooms, I feel like I really know them.

The family itself is not that bad, they are not animals or something. They have speech. They look after one another, well, on the condition that they're related. In-laws are considered parasites, leeches, unless they themselves have acquired a certain social standing before they join the clan.

But the thing I find truly appalling is that everyone in the family claims to be the number one plowhorse as for the reason why they have become famous, when in fact, their actual work consists of self-marketing with the sole purpose of keeping the spotlight. After all, they have been a household name ever since their father, Robert Kardashian defended O.J. Simpson.

But thanks to reality TV they have become a media phenomenon, and consider it their family responsibility to compulsively give back to society. You see the deviancy behind that. "Give back" to the society which they sell themselves to. Their fashion label and stores are run by their minions, their charity events get organized for them by other people.

I mean, having your life televised in every gory detail is definitely strenuous. Having cameras at their side each and every day, having to act out half-scripted conflicts deprives this family of a real life. Privacy. Time. That is what they actually put in the balance. How sad this is. How can anyone even enjoy this lifestyle when they don't have a life. Yes, sad. So from now on, I promise to only watch them reluctantly...but watch them I will!!!



A MADtv parody. The part about helping the blind is spot on.


Keeping Up With The Kardashians season 8 promo
A day in the life of..the new season

How to Get Filthy Rich in 3 Days

You may have been wondering how to do it, that time you fantasized what it would be like sitting on a Dragons chair, instead of only daydreaming about it on a faded IKEA sofa. How I know that? Because I have. And you and me, we are not that different, my friend. Basically, there are three different strategies to tackle the problem of getting rich. Filthy rich. Wanna hear them?


Be a hard worker

Yes, it is possible. All you have to do is to start immediately. Don't even finish reading this piece of junk. Mind you, that we talked about how to become rich in 3 days, not 5 years. So thinking about climbing the career ladder is not an option, unless you're in the mafia.

Robbing a bank could work in that short a timeframe, so could raiding a diamond mine. But the success rate is slim to none. You can write a bestselling book. Release a sex tape on Youtube - Gangnam Style. Blackmail a politician. Sell information to intelligence.

Of course, all these things require that you actually know stuff. And who really knows anything on how to get there besides the people who are already there. Those bastards! We need something more than that!

Be an entrepreneur

Yes, if hard work is hard, being an entrepreneur is even...harder. Please write that down. That sounds like an eloquent proverb.

Anyways, there are ways to do it. Invest a little of grandma's inheritance in shares at the stock market. Become an Ebay sales phenomenon. Market the water from your rain water tank as though it was Bling H₂O.

Then again, this requires that you actually know something, like the market and consumer habits, your way around a computer and the internet. But many a time, you'll also need a talent that you'll be able to sell, especially if you're in the arts business. Good for you if you already have that luxury.

But I'm asking on behalf of the rest of us, who can really afford to acquire a talent? It's 3 bloody days!? How can Cletus Spuckler become rich within 3 days?



The fallback: Be very, very lucky

Be the child of Bill Gates, spawn of the Koch media tribe or marry someone from that litter. But in that case, you'd probably already be filthy filthy rich. Bastard, you!

Win the lottery. Become a Kardashian, a Reality TV superstar. Again, you'd probably need more than 3 days to reach an audience to develop that lucrative love-hate relationship with. Who knows, you may get lucky.

Visiting a talent show without having any talent is also an option. Actually it may be our best option. But it's kind of mandatory that you're unaware that you have no talent. Mocking the system doesn't work that way, unless you're a star comedian. And that, again, would be some form of talent. So touché, my talentless friends, we're in a cul-de-sac on the road to success. Cul-de-what?

Don't fall into despair. Chances are, that if you're pursuing one of these things, one of anything, for a really long time, you'll eventually become good at it, successful even. Not in 3 days, but maybe in 3 years. Or 30. Van Gogh only sold 2 of the 2000 paintings he created during his lifetime. He made exceptional art in the belief that he was a complete failure as an artist. Now look at him. What a filthy rich corpse.