There's Spiders on the Interwebs

I had a blog on the interwebs at the foot of the Ngong Hills...well, duh. I still have a blog, though deserted at daytime, I'm always close by at night, never far from putting down thoughts in writing. And I seriously realize I need to do some spring blog cleaning before spring turns into summer, and summer makes me want to do everything but clean, even on and between those dusty interwebs.

So, how have you been doing lately - she asks - casually. Are you OK? Have you been shaken by the various crises of this earth or did you just stop caring? I mean, seriously. Horrific news, every day. We are being sold, our private lives being spied upon, our data being inflationary goods for intelligence worker drones and the nations that employ them. They doodle on our love letters, and draw funny faces on our porn collection. The guy with the mustache got an even bigger mustache. Funny stuff. They rated our naked holiday pictures from 1 to 10. If there has ever been a moment to uprise, that moment is here, staring us in the face. Unfortunately, we let it pass. We just shake our heads in disagreement if we're not too busy having insignificant thoughts about nothing. We're all fresh out of disappointmental energy. And anger is that much harder to come by. We feel as though we're the smallest link in the celestial alignment of our existence. We're just too damn unimportant. I have to ask this of me, of everyone: are we? Are we the insignificant ant in this equation? Let's see: human - check. All limbs and brains intact - check. Human Rights being beaten with a stick - ding ding ding, jackpot! Hey there, you with the sad eyes, we do have some power. Confidence, please. We have all the power. It's not us and them. It's only us, and we control what we do. This idea of big nobs separate from us, it is an illusion.

You could hold the view that we had it coming. We got lazy, we let things run into the ground. But I'd like to think there is a slight ticking noise going on in the background, and it gets a little louder every day. At some point, there'll be an explosion. It's what happens when people are undermined, cornered. People and wolves. It's what needs to happen, so we can be free for a while. Until the next election, take-over takes place, coup, whatever you want to call it. Because wolves will remain wolves, and the balance between freedom and security will always be fragile and fleeting. And nature will catch up with itself eventually.

I Crush Ants For A Living

My hands just wouldn't stop shaking. I felt oddly calm on the inside, but my body appeared to be in disagreement with that other part of me. The thing that just happened, it happens every day. However I couldn't imagine how the exact same thing could have happened at all, to me or anyone else. And why I've never been warned on how awful it would be like!

I wish I could have kept my knees from shaking so much. They banged into one another like two clumsy sticks. I also remember cursing a lot. Cursing and shaking knees don't go together all that well. Still, this is what being all-powerful means. It means running over animals with your car when you least expect it. It means overstretching the gap between life and death within seconds. Couldn't it have been at least something else, I pleaded, something smaller, and not the beautiful red-and-white creature that came out of nowhere, wanting to cross the street in a hurry? Then again, what an odd impulse, trying to figure out ways to lighten up a horrible scenario. It's never cheerful.

After the initial shock had worn off, I parked the car and went back to look for the remains of the cat. I went looking along the roadside, under bushes and I even waded through a remote stretch of tall grass. Cats have a habit of going into hiding when injured. A big part of me didn't want to see that. The other part wanted to randomly ring every doorbell in the area and apologize to whoever opened first.

For someone who in life doesn't feel all that powerful, I realized in this one split second that I do have a lot of impact on my surroundings. Impact being the operative word..

I never found the dead body, or, what would have been worse, a half-dead body. The cat could have run further, even with two broken hind legs, which would have been a best-case scenario.

On another note, I crush ants for a living and I am not even aware when it happens. Being alive causes so much death and suffering, it makes remorse a strange reaction to the effects of existence. I can't help being a freighter in a world of canoes. I'm a freighter hoping to merely have broken the paddle of a certain red-and-white canoe...